• What do Men & Women think about during Cunnilingus


    The difference in thinking!!

    14 Things the Average Man Thinks While Going Down on You

    Recently, the lovely Anna Breslaw detailed a woman's thought process mid-fellatio. Let the record show that all (none) of the women I've been with have told me I'm very good at sex-having, but I feel it's only fair I share a list of what the average man thinks about when he's going down on you:

    1. I should have looked up "clitoris" on Wikipedia before this whole thing started.

    2. Is she still watching TV? I can't tell if her eyes are closed or if she's still watching Conan ... Wait, is she looking at me? No, her eyes are closed. Are they? Yeah. Wait, no?

    3. Does she want me to touch her boobs? I think I can reach her boobs from here. Nope, I can't. I'm just kind of awkwardly clawing at her rib cage. Abort.

    4. Oh, fuck. I have to cough. Will she notice if I cough directly into her vagina? No, don't run the risk. Suppress it, dude.

    5. Dammit, she did want me to touch her boobs. Now she's touching her own boobs. Wait, this is awesome. STOP STARING AND KEEP GOING.

    6. Are we going to have sex soon? (Full disclosure, this one is pretty much being thought the whole time. It's also being thought when a man isn't giving oral, like when he's engaging you in casual conversation, or eating a hot dog, or sleeping. Men are thinking this about every woman they come into casual contact with all day).

    7. Whatever happened to Ashanti? Is she still making music? I have to remember to Google her later.

    8.My beard is going to smell like vagina later. I think I'm OK with this. I know I'm OK with this. (NOTE: This only pertains to men with beards)

    9. Lying on my stomach with an erection isn't ideal. Where the fuck do I put my dick right now? OK, I'm going to try to just point it down ... Nope. Everything happening to my dick is awful right now. Would she notice if I cut a hole in her mattress and made myself a cock burrow?

    10. I STILL CAN'T TELL IF YOUR EYES ARE CLOSED FROM THIS ANGLE. ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME? SHOULD I WINK OR SOME SHIT?

    11. OK, she's arching her back. Her right leg is twitching. I'm the fucking man right now. Don't lose focus. Do not forget to look up Ashanti's career trajectory later.

    12. SHE IS LITERALLY CRUSHING MY HEAD WITH HER THIGHS WHERE DID SHE GET THIS STRENGTH FROM SHE IS PUSHING MY HEAD INTO HER VAGINA IF THIS IS HOW I AM GOING TO DIE THEN SO BE IT I WILL LEAVE THIS WORLD AS I CAME INTO IT

    13. She came? Yeah. Yeah? OK, yeah. I'm allowed up now.

    14. Alright, I'm going to wait for about two seconds and then just try and put my penis in her vagina. No fear.

    &

    14 Things The Average Woman Thinks While Receiving Oral Sex

    1. OK. Lie back. I am in the super-chill and seXXXy zone. Totally not thinking about that fucking mouth-breather Matt who stole my yogurt from the office fridge today.

    2. Fucking Matt.

    3. I showered this morning, but maybe I should have washed "it" again before he came over. Or not, since that kind of feels like something an old-timey French prostitute would do.

    4. Does anyone actually use dental dams besides my weird godmother? She was so drunk at that block party, who knows if she even knew what she was saying.

    5. Gosh, he is really getting in there. He's really wearing my vagina like a Kangol hat right now.

    6. A little left. A little right. No, not that far right. There you go. Great. Just keep doing exactly what you're doing.

    7. Dude, when I said, "Keep doing that," I didn't mean, "Interpret my enthusiasm to mean you should do it harder and faster and generally differently."

    8. He's pretty good at this though.

    9. I wonder how much practice he's had.

    10. Did he ever go down on [that girl with the pretentious Twitter you both know]?

    11. FUCKING MATT. THAT YOGURT WAS MY LUNCH.

    12. Is he getting tired? I can't tell how long he's been doing it. Oral sex time is like dog years. K, here we go —

    13. ~~~*~*~**~@Y!*$&!$**$&!%

    14. Oh, now I guess he wants to have sex. K.

    Both lists come from Cosmopolitan:
    14 Things the Average Man Thinks While Going Down on You
    14 Things The Average Woman Thinks While Receiving Oral Sex

    NOTE ABOUT THE IMAGES
    DISCLAIMER: ALL IMAGES, UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED, WERE TAKEN FROM THE INTERNET AND ARE ASSUMED TO BE IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN. IN THE EVENT THAT THERE IS STILL A PROBLEM OR ERROR WITH COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL, THE BREAK OF THE COPYRIGHT IS UNINTERNATIONAL AND NONCOMMERCIAL AND THE MATERIAL WILL BE REMOVED IMMEDIATELY UPON PRESENTED PROOF.

    0 comments → What do Men & Women think about during Cunnilingus

    Post a Comment